Who I am- a combination of decisions I made about myself when I was young and my strong suits- allows me to have successes in my life. My bosses have always enjoyed having me as teacher at their school, students always make growth in my class and, generally, I'm a pretty low maintenance teacher (after my first year- which was mayhem).
Unfortunately, the parts of my personality that make me successful also give me anxiety, sleep loss, minimal joy and cause me to burn out easily. It's like I'm a sprinter running a marathon that has no end in sight.
It came to a head for me last week when, in the midst if huge successes in my classroom, I found I didn't feel inspired. This is absolutely not going to work in my life. So I started to investigate what could be causing this loss of fulfillment in this profession that is packed with opportunities to make a difference. This is what I found:
1. The number of hours I was required to work and the number of hours I was actively doing school work differed by an average of 15 hours a week.
2. I significantly jumped the tally of work hours by tacking on all of the hours I spent processing, reviewing and worrying about things happening at school. Rarely did I take action on these thoughts.
It seems that thinking about school outside of actually doing productive work is totally unproductive. As a matter of fact, it drains me, distracts me, gives me anxiety and steals my joy. Somehow, I concluded early on in my career that happiness occurs in this order:
Work hard --- Be successful --- Be happy
I'm certain that I've been doing this forever because, even knowing that this doesn't work for me, I can't seem to easily stop doing it. Current happiness research shows that us Americans have it backwards. This is actually what happens:
Be happy. --- Work harder and enjoy it. --- Significant increase in chances of success.
So how have I been stopping my auto-pilot Inspirational Teacher from taking over? I make a choice to drop the act. Every moment I get to choose who I am going to be. I conscientiously let go of this "character" I play at least 10-15 times a day. Every time I choose to drop it, I have a moment of fear, when I worry that if I stop juggling 20 imaginary balls I created, my students will fail and I'll be a failure as well. But after that completely irrational moment, I am certain that I am making the best decision to live a balanced life. I know because joy and excitement swoop in to take fear's place and I'm at peace with the difference I make and how I go about making it.
Unfortunately, the parts of my personality that make me successful also give me anxiety, sleep loss, minimal joy and cause me to burn out easily. It's like I'm a sprinter running a marathon that has no end in sight.
It came to a head for me last week when, in the midst if huge successes in my classroom, I found I didn't feel inspired. This is absolutely not going to work in my life. So I started to investigate what could be causing this loss of fulfillment in this profession that is packed with opportunities to make a difference. This is what I found:
1. The number of hours I was required to work and the number of hours I was actively doing school work differed by an average of 15 hours a week.
2. I significantly jumped the tally of work hours by tacking on all of the hours I spent processing, reviewing and worrying about things happening at school. Rarely did I take action on these thoughts.
It seems that thinking about school outside of actually doing productive work is totally unproductive. As a matter of fact, it drains me, distracts me, gives me anxiety and steals my joy. Somehow, I concluded early on in my career that happiness occurs in this order:
Work hard --- Be successful --- Be happy
I'm certain that I've been doing this forever because, even knowing that this doesn't work for me, I can't seem to easily stop doing it. Current happiness research shows that us Americans have it backwards. This is actually what happens:
Be happy. --- Work harder and enjoy it. --- Significant increase in chances of success.
So how have I been stopping my auto-pilot Inspirational Teacher from taking over? I make a choice to drop the act. Every moment I get to choose who I am going to be. I conscientiously let go of this "character" I play at least 10-15 times a day. Every time I choose to drop it, I have a moment of fear, when I worry that if I stop juggling 20 imaginary balls I created, my students will fail and I'll be a failure as well. But after that completely irrational moment, I am certain that I am making the best decision to live a balanced life. I know because joy and excitement swoop in to take fear's place and I'm at peace with the difference I make and how I go about making it.
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